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Outgrowing Your Friends & Family Because You're Healing?- Thoughts From A Trauma...

November 09, 20235 min read

One of the prices you pay for growth and healing is losing people along the way. That can be a painful experience, and it can make growth seem lonely (and honestly, sometimes it is). Healing and growth puts you into a different energetic state, which means you may no longer resonate with the people you used to vibe with. This is so normal! And it's something all my clients deal with at some point in their healing journey. Healing can be lonely. I talk about what I see most often in my clients, my thoughts on leaving people behind and what happens when growing means outgrowing.

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Some People Are Only With Us For A Season

Sometimes healing and growing can feel lonely. As you grow, relationships change too (as all relationships are co-created), and sometimes you outgrow some people. This is a reality of healing and growth, not everyone comes along with you. As we evolve and strive for self-improvement, the dynamics of our relationships may shift, especially if others are not growing at the same pace or lack the necessary skills to support our growth journey. This is something every single one of my clients go through, and while its natural and normal, that doesn't mean it's not a grieving process.

Healing, like all cycles, are cycles of death and rebirth. So are relationships.

While you may wish that everyone in your life stays in your life (and they may in different capacities), one of the costs of operating from a different vibration is that you'll lose resonance with some people. It's important to recognize that not everyone can come along on this journey, not everyone is meant to, and not everyone wants to. Some people may lack the skills or the desire to grow and change alongside you, or they may perceive your healing and growth as a threat, or they may not be on the same time line. Not everyone has the skill set to do so. And even if they have this skill set, they don't always want to. This realization can be challenging and even heartbreaking, as we may find ourselves having to let go of relationships that no longer align with our personal growth.

Relational Resonance

Relational resonance is a useful concept here. Healing changes your energy, and when energy changes it can mean losing resonance with people who you used to vibe with. While that does open up some space in your life, what I find and what I see with clients is that once that space opens up it gets filled with people who resonate with who they are now, who they grow into and who are a much better energetic match for them. Think about it this way, the people you used to vibe with at 18 probably aren't the same type of people you would vibe with now, because you've grown and changed. Same thing when healing happens. The people you used to vibe with when you were struggling and suffering are unlikely to be the same people you vibe with when you're flourishing, thriving and happy.

What Skills Will You Need?

Communication and setting boundaries play a critical role while you're healing and growing, as it can minimize damage and help people in your life know what to expect. It's helpful to have open and honest conversations with your loved ones about your growth journey and the changes you're experiencing so they aren't confused when those changes manifest and they can support you. However there's a balance here, it's useful important to respect everyone's individual growth journey and not force change upon them, as not everyone is on your timeline or wants to change. While you may want to help people in your life who are struggling by teaching them about the cool concepts you've learned and have helped you, it doesn't mean that everyone is willing to receive that information or that they can receive it. People are always ready in their own time, and for my clients we often do a lot of work around accepting that even though they're growing and experiencing all these awesome things that come with healing, sometimes the people in their life continue to suffer because they choose not to heal. That's such a frustrating place to be and I totally get that watching someone you love suffer hurts, but no one is ready until they're ready. Enabling or pushing others to change if they are not ready or comfortable with it won't help them, and in fact creates disconnection and tension in the relationship.

It's a balance of letting people experience what they're experiencing and not taking their journey away from them.

All Relationships Flow And Transition

Here's a really interesting thing that happens once my clients start embodying the work they're doing; they become lighthouses. They embody and radiate a light that attracts others seeking the same peace, clarity, and calm. They call others to their light, hence the term lighthouse. As their nervous system becomes regulated and they become more calm and centered, they radiate a sense of calmness and clarity that draws others towards them. This often leads to new relationships with people who are aligned with their growth and share similar values. They vibe with new people. Sometimes people in their life who were suffering also become inspired to heal as well.

Here's how I like to think of allowing relationships to transition if the relationship is one of the things holding me back from healing: If it cost me this relationship where energetically I'm tethered to one place and I will be capped for whatever period of time I allow that relationship to cap me, it's not worth it. Is that intense? Maybe. Is giving up your dream worth keeping someone in your life who will only hold your back? No, of course not.

While some people are with us throughout our lives, some people are only meant to be with us for a season. Holding relationships lightly, which doesn't mean loving lightly, helps make the transition easier and allows us to flow into the next season trusting that people who are with us for the next season will be there.

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Amanda Chils

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